


In which Sirius appears with no pants. Just a sign around his neck reading 'Get it here'.

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-24
Updated: 2005-05-24
Packaged: 2017-10-09 19:18:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Sirius appears with no pants. Just a sign around his neck reading 'Get it here'.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [westwardlee](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=westwardlee).



> This is a drabble I wrote for [](http://westwardlee.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://westwardlee.livejournal.com/)**westwardlee**, who requested "_can you do a R/S where Kingsley's now famous hard-as-diamond arse is an inspiration_". Originally posted **[here](http://red-squared.livejournal.com/16892.html)**.

It is well past time to get a move on, Remus thinks, glancing at the clock. Kingsley will be here any moment, and he doesn't want Peter letting his boyfriend in before he's come out to the last of his friends.

He's deliberately left Sirius until last – given the other boy's feelings towards Slytherins, he will probably react more to the fact that Remus is going out with a seventh year Slytherin prefect than the fact that it isn't the _female _seventh year Slytherin prefect that Remus is going out with. Which was why he told Peter and James first, and both of them promised to restrain Sirius if the disowned scion of the House of Black takes the news the wrong way.

"Padfoot," he says quietly, as though he can change the facts by saying them softly. The noise in the Gryffindor common room swells reassuringly around them.

Breaking the news to Sirius in a public place was Peter's idea – it won't make the consequences any less pleasant, but it _will _provide Remus with witnesses who can say he did nothing to provoke the other boy if all hell breaks loose. _When _all hell breaks loose.

"Not now, Moony," Sirius replies, with a hint of frustration. He's levitating an Exploding Snap card onto a set of about thirty others he and James are building a card castle with, while the rest of them study. "I'm busy."

"Sirius, I think I might be gay," he breathes out in a rush, taking advantage of the fact that Sirius' thoughts are obviously elsewhere.

"What do you mean, you _think_ you might be gay," James asks, obviously aghast that it looks as though Remus is about to chicken out of the second part of his confession.

"Leave him alone, Prongs," Sirius says absently, levitating another card into place. "If it comes to that, I think I might be, too," Sirius adds, in a tone of voice that is almost _shy,_ looking him right in the eye with a disturbingly sincere expression he's never seen on Sirius' face before.

"_What?_"

It's a moment before he realises that it was James that said that, and not him. _Sirius might be gay? Why am I only finding out about this now?_

"If it's a problem, Potter…" Sirius starts to say in a dangerous tone, the sincere expression changing into hostility so quickly, he'd be forgiven for thinking he imagined it.

"Settle down," James says irritably. "What do you mean _you _might be gay? Remus has a boyfriend. What have _you _got?"

There is a pause while Sirius simply raises an eyebrow at James, disdaining to answer.

"No, really," he says, trying not to sound strangled. "What _have _you got?" _And why aren't I it? _The Eyebrow is unleashed in Remus' direction, but he refuses to let it intimidate him. "Well?"

"I never kiss and tell," Sirius says snottily. "Who's your _boyfriend_, then?"

"Kingsley Shacklebolt," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"That Slytherin prefect?" Sirius says, sounding appalled, and even though he's at the receiving end of the infamous Black temper, he's almost relieved that _something _in tonight's conversation has gone as planned. "What's he doing in _here_?" Sirius continues, looking over James' shoulder to where Peter has opened the portrait for Kingsley.

"Three guesses, Padfoot," James says sarcastically, levitating another card into place.

Sirius seems to struggle with himself, as Kingsley approaches. "Well," he manages, "I hope you'll be very happy together."

"Fuck's sake, it's not as if they're getting married, they're just shagging," James says dismissively, dismantling the castle and stacking the cards into a neat pile with a flick of his wand.

"Right," he says, trying not to make eye contact with Sirius. "Anyway, don't bother leaving, Kingsley and I were going to go upstairs."

"He's not staying the night," Sirius says firmly.

"Padfoot - " he starts to say.

"He can stay until bedtime, and then he'd best be on his way back to his own dormitory, or I _will _complain," Sirius continues.

"Yeah, actually," James says slowly, frowning as though he's just realised something. "I will, too."

Bedtime isn't until eleven. He tells himself that it's a reasonable request even if it _was _delivered in a thoroughly unreasonable tone of voice.

"Fine," he agrees, deeply relieved that Sirius hasn't simply drawn his wand on Kingsley and hexed him through the portrait.

~~*~~

Afterwards, as the clock approaches ten to eleven, he lies back in bed and enjoys the view as Kingsley gets dressed. There isn't the same sense of delirious anticipation as when Kingsley strips, but eye candy is eye candy, and Remus isn't about to fuss over whether it's being wrapped or unwrapped.

"D'you know," he says, "Sirius thinks he might be gay, too."

"Thinking of asking him to join us, are you?" Kingsely asks, with an easy smile.

Rage flares through him, but for some reason he can't be certain whether it is in response to the thought that Kingsley wants Sirius, or to the thought that Sirius might want Kingsley.

_That's stupid, Sirius isn't interested in Kingsley,_ he thinks exasperatedly. _Quite the opposite, in fact._

"No, I just – It just goes to show, you think you know someone and they surprise you like that," he says instead.

"Mmm," Kingsely says, pulling his boots on. "It's just that you've gone on about him all night, I thought that - "

"Thought what?"

"Well, I don't suppose he'd ever go for it," Kingsley says with a grin, his teeth looking unearthly white against his skin. "Want me to find out who he's shagging?"

It isn't any of his business who Sirius is shagging, but it seems only fair, since Sirius knows about Kingsley.

"Yeah," he finds himself saying, as Kingsley leans forward to kiss him goodnight. "That'd be brilliant."

~~*~~

" – must be serious, if he felt he had to tell us about it," he can hear Sirius saying, as he re-enters their dormitory after washing up in the bathroom.

"Yeah, serious _sex_," James says, the laughter evident in his voice. "Moony only brought it up because he wanted to use the dorm. Don't worry so. It won't last."

_Oh, won't it_, he thinks angrily, about to barge into the dormitory and remind the two of them that werewolves aren't _deaf_.

"That's right," Peter says. "And once it's over, you'll be able to say something."

_What?_ _Say something about what? Something about… me?_

Sirius couldn't have feelings for _him_, could he? But that would explain the weird way Sirius looked at him when he told Remus he thought he might gay too…

"Padfoot," he says, stepping out from behind the bed that was blocking his view of them. "Can I have a word?"

Sirius gazes back coolly. So coolly, that for a moment, he wonders whether or not he hallucinated the whole thing.

"Good luck, mate," James says, as he vacates the area, taking Peter with him.

"It's five past eleven, Moony," Sirius says, with a pointed look at the clock that is flashing 'LIGHTS OUT! NO MORE TALKING!' into the torchlight.

"Yes, so another five minutes won't matter. Listen, Padfoot, does it bother you that I'm going out with Kingsley?"

If only James hadn't blurted out the fact that Remus had a boyfriend after Sirius said he thought he might also be gay. _Surely _Sirius would have said something more?

_Yeah, like what? "You're gay? So am I! Fancy a shag?"_ As chat up lines go, it isn't terribly sophisticated, but it works on the right audience. It was how he got roped into that stupid drinking game with Kingsley, after all.

Still, he has the feeling that Sirius won't be impressed with such chat. Sirius' poshness is superseded only by his prudishness, and Remus has trouble imagining that Sirius is capable of even _thinking _words like 'shag'.

"What does it matter?" Sirius says belligerently.

"Well," he says, thinking hard. "I suppose it doesn't, really." He's not anywhere near as certain as he was a moment ago. Perhaps he read the situation wrong? "Never mind."

Sirius gives him a puzzled look, but shrugs and starts to climb into bed.

"Padfoot?"

"What is it?"

"If you fancied someone, would you tell them?"

"Would you?"

"Yes," he says quickly, knowing it is a lie as he voices it.

"Even if they were with someone else?"

"Yes," he says again.

"What about if _you _were with someone else?"

"Even then," he says impatiently, hating Sirius' stupid, secret boyfriend. "So…"

"Yes?"

"So, is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"No," Sirius says firmly, the word muffled as he settles into his pillow.

"Right," he says, feeling vaguely betrayed. "Night then."

"Night, Moony."

~~*~~

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"You all right there?"

"_Yes,_" he says, annoyed. "Why did you stop?"

"Because you called me 'Sirius'," Kingsley says, sounding amused.

"What?"

"Just now, when I bit you, you moaned his name," Kingsley says.

"Did I?" he asks, trying to remember what he was thinking about. "Are you sure? I mean," he adds, taking in the surprise on Kingsley's face, "you don't sound upset."

"Well, I thought it was bad enough that you kept talking about him all the time. Should have been counting my blessings, since you've apparently taken to talking _to _him instead. Maybe you should save that up for when he's actually in earshot?"

"Sorry."

"Fancy him, do you?"

"I - "

"Can't say I'd blame you if you did, although it'd be nice if you told me where I stood first. Are you going to say anything to him?"

"No, I can't do that. He's seeing someone else." Kingsley's lips quirk into a smile again. "What is it this time?"

"Talk to him. Where he can hear you," Kingsley says, ignoring the question.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks suspiciously, shivering in the cold as Kingsley levers himself out of the bed, and pulls half the covers with him.

"I just think it's interesting that the fact that _you're _seeing someone else doesn't bother you."

"Yes, but…" _But this is different. We're only sleeping together at all because you lured me into your bed – or behind the broomshed, **actually** – by betting me you could crush a walnut with your arse cheeks, and that just reminds me that you owe me twenty sickles, but that's not important, what **is** important is that – _"We just shag."

"How do you know he isn't doing the same thing, too?"

If he's being completely honest with himself, it's because the mere thought of someone simply _using _Sirius like that is enough to make him see red.

"So you'll talk to him then?" Kingsley persists.

"What does it matter?" he snaps, irritably.

"I don't like not knowing where I stand," Kingsley says evenly. "You're a brilliant shag, but if it's someone else you fancy, I'd rather know sooner than later." Kingsley meets his glare without flinching, adding, "It _is _a Hogsmeade weekend, next weekend, and I'd like to be certain who I'm going with."

"Right," he says shortly, not bothering to kiss Kingsley good-bye as the other boy picks his things up and leaves.

God, Shacklebolt could be so _anal _about things. Everything had to be planned to the n-th degree. Remus was certain Kingsley had one of those diaries that you couldn't erase anything out of. He probably even had 'Wednesday, 10:45pm, awkward confrontation with Lupin, sixth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory' scrawled into it. Because everything had to be _settled, _and _known,_ and _certain_.

Stupid bastard.

Slinging his own robe on, and fastening the tie loosely, he heads down the stairs to find Kingsley talking to Sirius in the Common Room.

_Oh God, now what?_

He's not close enough to hear what Kingsley's saying, but Sirius is wearing a bolshy 'Oh yes? You just try it, then,' expression, while Kingsley's fingers clench into fists and then unclench, over and over again.

Sirius stands to reply, and it strikes Remus that he's almost as tall as Kingsley is, able to meet the Slytherin stare for stare. Kingsley looks slightly surprised, as well he might. Boys who are six feet, six inches, and built almost entirely of muscle, probably aren't used to lean, androgynous-looking, pampered, rich boys threatening them.

Especially when the rest of the Common Room is empty and there's no one to back Sirius up.

And then he realises he's thinking like a Muggle, because a pure-blood with as strong a knowledge of Dark Magic as Sirius has will probably be able to tie Kingsely into a knot without even reaching for his wand.

Kingsley says something in response, laughing as he does, and leaves without seeing Remus. But _Sirius.._. Sirius turns to face him before he has a chance to even _think_ about hiding.

_Oh well,_ he thinks fatalistically, as he troops down the stairs to face Sirius, _if Kingsley's told him, I've got nothing to lose, really._

"Padfoot - "

"The answer's 'no'," Sirius says furiously, approaching him, but only to push past him and up the stairs. "I'm going to bed. By _myself_."

_What did **I **do,_ he wonders, turning and following a furious Sirius back to their dormitory.

~~*~~

"Have you seen Padfoot?"

"No – he wasn't at breakfast. Not like him to miss a Hogsmeade weekend." Best friends they might be, but James' tone suggests that Sirius' absence isn't preventing _him _from going to Hogsmeade. "You coming, Moony?"

"No, I think I'll get some reading done," he says, determined to track down where Sirius has got to.

He can see Kingsley leaving for Hogsmeade, with his new boyfriend Adrian Whistley in tow. Kingsley gives him a wave when he sees Remus. He restrains the urge to give Kingsley the finger, and waves back.

_It's all **your** fault Sirius won't speak to me,_ he thinks furiously, turning back up the steps to the Entrance Hall and making his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He's been searching for the other boy since before breakfast, and hasn't been able to find him _anywhere_.

The trouble all started because he overheard Sirius talking with James once again, and discovered – with rather more certainty – that Sirius _did _fancy him, the lying sod. Still, that didn't prevent Sirius from giving him a sharp shove in the stomach when Remus tried to snog him later that same day.

The library probably wasn't the best place for that, even if it _was _in one of the more discreet stacks. Still, Shacklebolt _would _choose the exact instant Remus' lips touched Sirius' to swan past. If only he'd continued to swan out the door, but no, not Shacklebolt.

Instead, his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) grinned and lasciviously propositioned Sirius, telling him he was welcome in their bed anytime, as long as Sirius kept quiet, supplied his own lubricant, and 'obediently assumed the position'.

He was too busy covering his face with one hand to pay any attention to what Sirius did, and when he uncovered it, Sirius was gone. And he barely had enough time to be surprised that Sirius had stalked off when Shacklebolt informed him that it was over. Not because he tried to stick his tongue down Sirius' throat, but because it was obvious that Sirius wasn't prepared to let them share him.

And for almost _two whole days_ Sirius has avoided him. Two days! Actual _days_!

It took him until the end of the _first _day to figure out that Sirius has no way of knowing that a threesome wasn't Remus' idea. And since Sirius isn't speaking to him, he _also _has no way of knowing that Remus is no longer Kingsley's boyfriend.

Reaching their dorm, it takes him a couple of seconds to work out what's wrong with it. And on taking in the silver and green décor, he has a feeling James will kill him for giving Shacklebolt the password to Gryffindor Tower.

He stands by the fact that it was unreasonable to expect him to troop down six flights of stairs just to let Shacklebolt in, and then have to climb back up six flights of stairs, which used up precious shagging energy.

Still, it cuts both ways – he refused to give Shacklebolt the password to Gryffindor Tower unless Shacklebolt gave him the password to Slytherin Dungeon. The seventh year prefect even had his own room, but always insisted that it 'wasn't safe' for Remus to enter the dungeon on his own.

_Well, none of the untrustworthy snakes will be there today, will they? _Only the underclassmen, too young to go to Hogsmeade, but he can handle _them_. If only he had Sirius to take with him…

Pushing the now-green velvet curtains back on Sirius' bed, he almost falls over backward in shock when he finds Sirius in bed.

The other boy _must _be drugged into a deep sleep, because he's kneeling up in bed with his head lolling forward. That aside, he _must _be drugged simply because someone has managed to strip him naked, bind his wrists together, bind his ankles together, and then tie his ankles and wrists _to one another _in a way that makes Remus' own limbs tense just thinking about it.

"Padfoot, are you all right?" he asks nonsensically, climbing onto the bed and unbalancing Sirius, who lands on his side. It takes him a while to remember that they're alone together, that there's no one else here.

Just Sirius. With no pants. Splayed across the bed with a sign around his neck reading 'Get it here'.

"_Enervate,_" he incants, a small voice shouting in the back of his mind that the dignified thing to do would be to untie Sirius and dress him before reviving him.

But that tiny voice is overwhelmed by the greater part of his brain that doesn't even _need _to remind him that he doesn't have a boyfriend anymore, that the evidence that Sirius fancies him is thoroughly conclusive, that he wants some answers, Goddamnit, and being owed Sirius' gratitude will probably get him there faster.

"Moony?" Sirius says, sounding nervous. "Last night - did anything… Did we…"

"Nothing happened last night," he says, running a hand over Sirius' side, feeling the warmth of the other boy. "That's not to say that nothing will."

Shacklebolt's behind it, for a certainty. Nobody else would have been able to get into Gryffindor – he's fairly certain _he's_ the only one stupid enough to give a Slytherin the password to their House. At the same time, he's also fairly certain Shacklebolt won't have touched Sirius – not like _that_, at any rate.

"Moony…" Sirius repeats, slightly more alarmed this time, probably at the way he's lying down next to Sirius and nuzzling at his throat. God, he just wants to be able to kiss the other boy properly – without being shoved away, without being spied on, without being ignored for two days… "Aren't you going to untie me?"

"Well," he says thoughtfully, pressing his lips to Sirius' neck and realising that telling the truth will probably result in an explosion of some sort, "that depends."

"Right. Only, I can't feel my legs."

"I'll feel them for you," he offers, raising his head from Sirius' throat to smile down at him, and moving his hands along Sirius' folded legs. "It depends on whether or not it was Shacklebolt who did this to you."

"What if it was?"

"Because I know about the sort of cords he uses," he says, running a finger over the neat bindings, unable to find a seam or a beginning anywhere. "And if it _was _him, then the bindings are keyed using love charms."

Sirius draws a deep breath, wriggling slightly to keep his blood circulating.

"So that means," he continues, "that the only person who can undo the bindings is the one you love."

"Well, that's perfect, that is," Sirius says, sounding put out. "What are the chances of my _meeting _the 'one I love' trussed up like this?"

He sits up and smiles, making a mental note never to play poker with Sirius.

Never for money, anyway.

"So _that _means," he says, as though Sirius hasn't said anything, "that if I can untie the bindings, then _I'm _the one you love." Sirius holds his breath the whole while Remus undoes the magical binding cords, tugging them loose. "There," he says gently, gathering Sirius to him and planting kisses onto the red lines worn into Sirius' wrists. "Ssh," he murmurs soothingly, as Sirius buries his face against his shoulder. "Is it so terrible that I know you love me?"

"It is when you've a boyfriend."

"I don't. We split up."

"But you _must _have loved him. If you recognised the sort of bindings he used."

If only Sirius were as vacuously unthinking as he looked.

"_Or _I might have made the whole thing up to get the truth out of you."

"You – You _what_?"

"You were never going to say anything otherwise, were you?"

"What about _you_," Sirius challenges, still burrowing into him, and rubbing up against him in the most delicious way. "You never said anything either."

"Don't change the subject," he says, removing the sign from around Sirius' neck and running tickling fingers over Sirius' chest.

"I asked you whether you'd say anything if you fancied someone. You said you would. Even if they were seeing someone else. Even if _you _were seeing someone else." He can feel himself start to blush with mortification, remembering that conversation. "I thought that if you fancied me, you'd have said something about it."

"I'm sorry," he says, meaning it. "But I have you now."

"Mmm," Sirius agrees, moving closer to kiss properly, his hands questing over Remus' body and divesting him of clothing. "Shacklebolt wouldn't leave it alone, said he was fed up with me denying I fancied you and was going to take matters into his own hands."

"Perhaps it's a good thing he did," he says, feeling his lapful of naked Sirius give a delighted squirm as he breathes the sentence into Sirius' ear, "since we clearly can't be trusted to take them into our own."

"You still haven't said it," Sirius says, stretching like a cat and pushing him back onto the bed all at the same time.

"I love you," he says, feeling something good and _warm _burst inside his brain when Sirius' face lights up with a smile.

"Help me find my clothes," Sirius says, rolling off the bed and reaching for the bed curtains.

"Help – what? Padfoot, come back here," he orders, sitting up and snaking his arms around Sirius' waist, pulling the other boy back. "If you think it's unfair that I'm wearing more than you, then the obvious solution is for me to remove my clothing, not for you to get dressed."

"Can't you wait until we get back to the dorm?"

Taking in the emerald curtains, the forest green sheets with the silver trim, he is aware that Sirius might just explode after all.

"I want you to remember that I just said that I loved you – this _is _our dorm, as it happens – and that you said you loved me too, and really – don't look at me like that – we can be grateful we don't have to make out way back to Gryffindor Tower with a hard-on apiece, because – Sirius, put that down – we're already here."

"YOU GAVE A SLYTHERIN THE PASSWORD TO GRYFFINDOR TOWER!"

"The password to Slytherin Dungeon is 'purity control'," he manages, before Sirius launches himself at Remus.

"Really?"

"Really," he says fervently. "Want to go and get revenge?" he asks, hoping that giving Sirius the opportunity to turn Slytherin Dungeon upside down will distract him from wanting to kill Remus.

Sirius thinks about it, while Remus spends an agonising couple of minutes with a naked Sirius straddling him, hands fisted in his robes.

"No," Sirius says eventually, reaching for the discarded sign and looping it over Remus' head. "I think I'll stay and get it here instead."

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


End file.
